Reason of mistrust in husband-wife relations


By Faz Zia
Friends, for the past few days there has been a lot of debate on some unpublished books where the ex wife claimed to expose her well known husband. For confidentiality reasons, their names cannot be shared, but there is no hiding in the media.
In any marriage, respect and loyalty is the most important thing to keep the relationship going and if there are children involved then as a parent you should set up a good example for them.
In life everything can’t be perfect all the time; this relation can break in the name of divorce. Divorce is the ugliest thing and in Islam divorce is allowed but Allah dislikes the act of separation. If the marriage is not working out and it is taking a bad shape and hurting those involved or around them then it is better to leave. Divorce requires respect from both parties, regardless of the reason behind it, there are number of years or months which you have both spent together. After divorce if you start talking bad about your ex husband/ wife and telling everyone how bad he/she was, it is not suitable and it shows your behaviour and personality in a negative light.
As a Muslim we know the teaching of Islam where husband and wife are like “Libas” of each other, this means a cloth or cover for each other, you can’ take that cover off infront of anyone. Whatever happens between two adults that is between them and there is no third party business. Children can observe their parents behaviour and they are affected more in the divorce, but if parents can be more sensible and respectful to each other, then it becomes a less ugly situation and may be easier for the children to cope.
My personal opinion is that there is no point to discuss your marriage or divorce with any third party, let alone write some book for the world to read about how her ex husband or his career is working. It is disrespectful towards a relationship, which as an adult both accepted. Both parties are 45+ and they are parents who were also married before, but if a woman can leave everything behind and think about only name, fame and money and don’t care about her children, self respect then you can’t win because she has nothing to lose.
Sharing my personal view, as a woman I don’t like to talk about my personal life with anyone so i definitely would not share this with the public. My personal life is not someone elses business. Respect is my priority, respect yourself and respect others and in return demand respect.
According to a latest survey, although many Muslims may right now be in failing marriages and on a fast track to divorce and its terrible consequences, there are many ways to put their marriage back on the right track if the husband and wife are sincere in their desire to reconcile. The following principles can be used by Muslims whose marriages are already in trouble or by Muslims who would like to avoid trouble in their marriage.
Many Muslim husbands and wives treat each other like adversaries rather than partners. The husband feels that he is the boss, and whatever he says goes. The wife feels that she must squeeze everything she can out of her husband. Some wives never show their husband that they are satisfied with anything he does or buys for them in order to trick him into doing and buying more. They make him feel like a failure if he does not give them the lifestyle that their friends and families enjoy. Some husbands speak very harshly to their wives, humiliate them, and even physically abuse them. Their wives have no voice or opinion in the family.
Allah described marriage very differently in the Holy Quran: ‘. . . He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts) . . . ” (Holy Quran 30:21, Yusuf Ali Translation).
It is very sad that this relationship which Allah has established for the good has been made a source of contention, deception, trickery, tyranny, humiliation, and abuse. This is not the way marriage is supposed to be.